PETA Files Serious Lawsuit in Ninth Circuit

PETA has filed a lawsuit to stop a company from violating the 13th Amendment. That's right. Did you know that there is an evil corporation out there earning money through slavery? No more. PETA is going to stop this slavery.

The Plaintiffs were forcibly taken from their families and natural habitats, are held captive at SeaWorld San Diego and SeaWorld Orlando, denied everything that is natural to them, subjected to artificial insemination or sperm collection to breed performers for defendants' shows, and forced to perform, all for defendants' profit," the lawsuit says, arguing that those conditions amount to enslavement and/or forced servitude.

That's horrible! How dare SeaWorld take people from their families and force them to breed and perform in shows. How has this gone unnoticed for so long! Where is the justice? Oh wait...you mean these guys are your Plaintiffs?

You know, sometimes I think PETA is a group that has the sole purpose of discrediting the animal rights movement by taking such outrageous positions that people otherwise inclined to be sympathetic to them are driven away. I mean really. The lawyer who represents these Orcas is a knuckle-head. Also, how does he know that the orcas wanted to bring this suit? Did he discuss this with them? Maybe they're happier hanging out in San Diego than in the North Sea. I mean, have you seen San Diego? It's really nice. How does he convey offers of settlement? If the case isn't dismissed, can we take some depositions? That would be fun.

If I were SeaWorld, I would offer to settle this case with an offer of free food for life and protection from other animals for all the Plaintiffs. Oh wait, they already have that now? Doh!

If the Court doesn't impose Rule 11 sanctions against the lawyer bringing this suit, the entire rule should be eliminated. The 13th Amendment only applies to people. Always has, always will. When it was adopted in 1865 these slaves were the main way that people got from place to place. Not slavery. There is no way you can even contort yourself into some kind of legal "knot" and say that it is even possible that this is a serious or legitimate lawsuit. If I were a judge hearing this, I would be annoyed that my time is being wasted when there are actual important things to do. Court is not a kid's game or a way to get your agenda some publicity.