A PP reader brings a New York Times article to my attention. It is titled: "Southern Manners on Decline, Some Say". Since the New York Times always has their finger on the pulse of the South, I was keenly interested to be educated on the cultural decline of my native South. First, I was very impressed with the article's title. Whenever some people say something, I'm all ears because it's always spot-on. You know how accurate, expert, and reliable some people are.
The article then opens with an anecdote about two men in a fancy restaurant in Atlanta who are seated at the full bar and refuse to give up their seats to two women standing behind them.
One August night, two men walked into a popular restaurant attached to this city’s fanciest shopping mall. They sat at the bar, ordered drinks and pondered the menu. Two women stood behind them.
A bartender asked if they would mind offering their seats to the ladies. Yes, they would mind. Very much. Angry words came next, then a federal court date and a claim for more than $3 million in damages.
Ok. First, $3 million in damages? Please. Is your ego that big? In any event, we have a situation where two men don't yield their seats to two ladies in a restaurant. Is that a federal cause of action now? If so, I'm going to have to re-focus my civil practice and make a fortune. Let's see what happens next...
The men, a former professional basketball player and a lawyer, also happen to be black. The women are white. The men’s lawyers argued that the Tavern at Phipps used a policy wrapped in chivalry as a cloak for discriminatory racial practices. After a week’s worth of testimony in September, a jury decided in favor of the bar.
Oh right! I totally forgot! Everything that happens in the South is because we're all racist! Silly me. And I bet the all-white jury of men decided against the black men. Darn racists! But wait...is that the point of the article? If so, why isn't the title of the article something like "Racism in Atlanta Bars and Federal Courts!". What does this have to do with "Southern Manners"? The jury enforced the idea of giving up your seat to a lady, so doesn't that mean that Southern Manners are alive and well? Were the two men even from the South? The article doesn't say. Wouldn't that be the whole point? Maybe the idea of painting the South as racist was just so natural for the NY Times. Just like an old horse going to the barn; it knows the way.
So, what else is in this insightful article to conclusively demonstrate that Southern Manners are on the decline? As Jerry Seinfeld would say, "Who are these people?"
“Manners are one of many things that are central to a Southerner’s identity, but they are not primary anymore. Things have eroded,” said Charles Reagan Wilson, a professor of history and Southern culture at the University of Mississippi.
Aha! An expert. A professor, no less, informs us that "Things have eroded". I'm sure the next sentence is the results of his scholarly study, or something with....oh yeah, evidence supporting his allegation that "things have eroded". Ok, I'm ready. Amaze me with your evidence.
To be sure, strict rules regarding courtesy and deference to others have historically been used as a way to enforce a social order in which women and blacks were considered less than full citizens. In the Jim Crow era, blacks and whites lived with a code of hyper-politeness as a way to smooth the edges of a harsh racial system and, of course, keep it in place, scholars of Southern culture say.
Oh wait, never mind. We're back to racism. It's like playing Chutes and Ladders. You take a few steps forward, and then you go back to the racism area. So, manners are the veneer to cover racism. That's the point they're making and they're happy that manners are in decline, because that means that racism is in decline, right? Or does it just mean that people are being overtly racist? I'm confused.
As those issues faded, proper manners remained an important cultural marker that Southerners have worked to maintain. Since the Civil War, any decline in Southern civility has largely been blamed on those damn Yankees.
Newcomers still get much of the blame. In the past decade, the South has seen an unprecedented influx of immigrants from other states and countries. The population in the South grew by 14.3 percent from 2000 to 2010, making it the fastest-growing region in the country.
So "some people" are saying that it's not Southerners who are simply letting manners fall by the wayside, but it's other people (Yankees and newcomers) who don't share the same values coming in and watering down the existing values? Why would they come to such a racist region? I can't imagine.
I know what you're thinking, dear reader. What about the children?
Dana Mason, who teaches second grade in Birmingham, says manners have been at the lowest level she has seen in her 36 years in the classroom. Parents who move South tell her they don’t want their children to learn to say “yes, sir” or “yes, ma’am.” Too demeaning, they say.
Right, it's totally demeaning to show respect for your elders. Who needs that? Also, notice that it's "parents who move South" requesting that their children just say "Yeah" or "Nah". when asked a question from an adult. My position on this can best be summarized by Bocephus:
Also, you don't see Southerners moving to Buffalo and demanding that the tea be sweetened. Seriously, if you're going to move somewhere, getting used to the cultural differences is baked into the cake.
Manners also helped create the South’s famous “bless your heart” culture — a powerful way of seeming to be polite without being genuine.
“Manners are often a way of distancing and maintaining space,” said William Ferris, a University of North Carolina folklorist who edited the Encyclopedia of Southern Culture with Professor Wilson. “If someone is polite, you better be careful and consider what that politeness veils.”
Oh, now I get it. If someone is polite to you, they secretly hate you. Another professor nails it. Manners are bad because people can be nice on the outside, but they really are being mean. It would be much better if we were all just overtly mean to each other. That would be so much more authentic. Who needs all that fake niceness anyway? Children should just be authentically disrespectful to adult strangers if they feel like it. That would be so much better.
“As a whole, we are now more willing to say what we think,” she said. “And that is a good thing for the South.”
I guess we can throw out: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." That rule was probably originated by some racist white guy anyway. We should all teach our children: Say what is on your mind, even if you want to tell someone how much you hate their outfit. Our society will be better off with this free exchange of opinions.
Way to go New York Times. Since I'm sure you're all on board with this new era of saying what we think to each other: Here's my opinion of your article: [below the jump]
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