Save the Planet - Move to the South

From time to time, I have been accused of criticizing the idea of man-made (or anthropogenic) "global warming". Well sir, no more. I've read an article that has made me realize how much some of our brothers and sisters living in the Northeast are killing the planet for their lavish lifestyle. I'm fully on the global warming train, and I'm here to address a large factor in energy consumption in the United States.

As you may be aware, the more energy you use, the more the planet dies a little. As you can see from this chart below, one of the main sources of household energy consumption is space heating. (It's the sky-blue part of the bar at the bottom of each column.) Note how the energy used for heating in the Northeast is significantly higher than everything else. By comparison, heating is far and away more of an energy waster than air-conditioning in the South and the West.

So, if you live in the Northeast, you're really being a wasteful energy consumer. You're living in a cold place that you have to use a great deal of energy to heat, just so you can continue to live there without your little toesies getting frostbitten. I, as the new global warming sheriff am here to tell all y'all up North: It's time to move down to the South.

So if you want to help save the planet, move out of Vermont and get yourself to Alabama where people know how to live in harmony with Mother Gaia. Moving out of New England could be the purest form of environmental activism; your selfish, earth destroying choice of living in Massachusetts in killing us all. And as for Canada, Gaia’s message is clear: shut it down, now.

I guess that if you don't want to move, being a selfish person who cares only about living in Connecticut, we could come up with a cold-climate heat-waster surtax. As a citizen of the earth, I'm sure that you Yankees would be happy to pay it.

You do care about the earth, don't you?
[H/T Insty]