Summer Olympic Events (SEC Style)

As usual, EDSBS is so full of win. A taste:

Triathlon: Shoot protected game fish with unlicensed handgun. Swim away from state game and wildlife officials. Steal children's bike when you reach shore. Ditch bike, run until caught. Competitors ranked on "Total Distance Before Tasing."

There's so much more. As is customary at EDSBS, you come for the original post, you stay for the comment section.