Ninth Circuit: Sea Shepard's Actions are "Piracy"

Have you heard of the TV show Whale Wars? If not, it's a reality show on the Animal Planet channel that follows a group of hard-line environmentalists who are engaged in stopping whaling. These environmentalists have a ship called the "Sea Shepherd" and they go around making life difficult for Japanese whaling vessels.

When I say "making life difficult", I mean: they ram the whaler's ships with their own ship, they throw nets in front of the whalers to ensnare/damage their propellers, and they throw glass jars of acid at the whalers. You gotta admit, that's some pretty serious stuff.

So, obviously, the Japanese whalers aren't exactly thrilled with what's going on. Accordingly, the Japanese folks have sued the Sea Shepherd folks in federal district court, claiming that the acts of the Sea Shepherd and its crew amount to piracy, and are seeking an injunction.

The district court dismissed the piracy claim, and the Japanese appealed to the Ninth Circuit, who reversed the trial court. Here's how Judge Kozinski begins his opinion:

You don’t need a peg leg or an eye patch. When you ram ships; hurl glass containers of acid; drag metal-reinforced ropes in the water to damage propellers and rudders; launch smoke bombs and flares with hooks; and point high-powered lasers at other ships, you are, without a doubt, a pirate, no matter how high-minded you believe your purpose to be.

You can read the full opinion here. I love it, and he's exactly right. Just because you believe that you're acting in a principled manner and that you're on the side of the angels doesn't mean you get to throw acid at other ships and ram them. There's no exception for subjectively believing you have good intentions. If you do these thinigs, you're a pirate. Maybe you're not a very hard-core pirate, but you're still attacking another ship on the high seas.

Also, you know what didn't help the Sea Shepherd's lawyer? It's kind of hard to argue that your client isn't a pirate when this is their flag:

Seriously, counselor? That's your client's flag? And you're gonna sit there and tell me that your client isn't a pirate? Right.

Here's the thing: if you're going to go to the point where you throw acid at other ships, ram them, and intentionally try to damage their propulsion and steering capabilities with nets, why not go all in? If you're going to be a pirate - own it. Get some cannons, some torpedoes, and be serious about it. Or don't do it at all.

The only thing worse than a pirate is a half-assed pirate.

Talk Like a Pirate Day

All ye' salty sea-dogs know that today be the Talk like a Pirate Day. A time o' merry drinkin' an' shoutin accordin' to yer true plunderin' nature. Pour out a' jug o' grog (recipe) an' peruse how the blessed day started. Flaunt yer jargon an learn up on yer' pirate facts 'n myths (fact-checkin'). Fancy yerself up wit' ideas fer a scurvy pirate costume. Finally, sit yerself down to watch ol' Chumbucket and Cap'n Slappy teach ye lubber'n arse the basics of talkin' like a scurvy dog

(It's a good thing I don't have Court today.)

Piracy Law Update: 4th Circuit Decision on "Piracy"

Ahoy, me hearties! The 4th Circuit Court of Appeals has just released an opinion defining "piracy". It includes acts of violence even if there is no robbery. Full opinion here.

According to the defendants, the crime of piracy has been narrowly defined for purposes of § 1651 as robbery at sea, i.e., seizing or otherwise robbing a vessel. Because they boarded the Nicholas only as captives and indisputably took no property, the defendants contest their convictions on Count One, as well as the affixed life sentences.

The Court didn't buy it, holding:

We also agree with the district court that the definition of piracy under the law of nations, at the time of the defendants’ attack on the USS Nicholas and continuing today, had for decades encompassed their violent conduct.

That means you can't just attack someone's vessel, run them through with your cutlass (or shoot them with your AK-47), and then hope to go free just because you didn't steal anything.

Shiver me timbers!

Negotiating With Pirates

It's an interesting economic analysis of the dynamics of hostages and pirates.

The typical instance of Somali piracy isn't that different from what a young Julius Caesar experienced when he was kidnapped by pirates and held for ransom on his way home from political exile in Asia Minor. One interesting detail in Plutarch's report is that, "When these men at first demanded of him twenty talents for his ransom, he laughed at them for not understanding the value of their prisoner, and voluntarily engaged to give them fifty." 

Read the whole article to find out how Caesar eventually dealt with the pirates.

Pirates/Braves Game Ends With Blown Call

I really don't know how the umpire missed this call. It wasn't even close, and the umpire was right on top of it. As much as I like the Braves, this is just the wrong call:

Notice that even Lugo thought he was out until the umpire called him safe. I don't know what the procedure is for officially protesting a game, but the Pirates need to look into it - they're in the thick of a pennant race in the NL Central.