Get This: John Kerry Brings James Taylor to France as a Message of Unity

Hard on the heels of not showing up for the big unity rally in Paris, John Kerry arrived in Paris to smooth everything over. But how exactly do you soothe the ruffled feathers of the sophisticated French society?

James. Freakin'. Taylor.

.@JohnKerry brings James Taylor to Paris news conference to play "You've Got a Friend" - message to French after U.S no-shows last week
— Andrea Mitchell (@mitchellreports) January 16, 2015

You know how in high school, when your girlfriend got mad at you, you would make her a mix-tape to apologize? Well, John Kerry was assigned to make a mixtape for France, since we kind of stood them up on the last date night, and they're mad at us.

I actually told someone about this at lunch, and they did not believe me. They thought it was so completely idiotic that John Kerry would serenade the French with James Taylor that I had to pull out my phone and show them the news. I'm afraid to report this is true.

I just question his taste in pop-culture music. Yeah, he's an aging baby-boomer, so I guess I could see how James Taylor appeals to him, but there were so many other ways to go. He could have brought the entire cast from Friends with him. He could have done the Randy Newman song "You've Got a Friend in Me", which I like better than the James Taylor selection. Or...just go with me on this because it's a little out there, but maybe get someone that has something to do with France! It's not all about you, America.

Everyone knows that when you make a mix-tape for your upset girlfriend, you don't put your favorite songs on there. You put her favorite songs on there. Jeebus. It's not all about you, it's all about her. Obviously, John Kerry needs to up his game.

And you know..all things being equal, I'm usually ok with needling the French, but that's just becuase the French usually act all superior, and, well, French. But when they've just suffered a horrible terrorist attack, it's not the time to mock them. They're not the enemy.

I mean, why not just go with Taylor Swift's "Shake it Off" it you want to make it all about you. At least they'll get some eye-candy.

Also, I have one bone to pick with this piece from The Guardian:

Kerry will deliver some of his speech at the Paris city hall in French and then introduce the veteran American singer, James Taylor, most famous for the song You’ve Got a Friend.

Are you kidding me? "You've Got a Friend" doesn't even make it into the top ten of James Taylor's most famous songs. I mean, he's got some good songs.

Eastern Europe Is Begging for Help

The Eastern European countries are begging for help from the USA.

European officials who want to reduce their dependency on Russian gas also have seized on the situation to mount a major lobbying campaign in Washington for new legislation to ease regulations on American LNG exports. Some of these countries, including Bulgaria, Sweden and the Baltic states, rely on Russia for 100 percent of their gas supplies, and Moscow has shown repeatedly it is willing to crimp supplies for leverage in political disputes.

We have the ability to help Eastern Europe be less dependent on Russia. This is what the USA is good at. We could out produce them, sell Eastern Europe all the fuel they could pay for. It would increase our exports, help our allies, and diminish Russia's influence. Will we do so?

Given the track record of our current President, it seems unlikely we will make this move.