School Principal: Let's Bring a Can of Soup to a Gunfight

Here, take one of these.

A school principal in Alabama has decided that the way to deal with an armed school shooter threat is to hit him with a can of soup?

As a result of school shootings through the United States and discussing with law enforcement on the best procedure to follow to keep our students safe, we are enhancing our procedure for intruders.

The procedure will be the same as we have done in the past with the addition of arming our students with a canned food item. We realize this may seem odd; however, it is a practice that would catch an intruder off-guard. The canned food item could stun the intruder or even knock him out until the police arrive. The canned food item will give the students a sense of empowerment to protect themselves and will make them feel secure in case an intruder enters their classroom.

I can almost picture the meeting where the principal came up with this idea. She was sitting there in the meeting, and then exclaimed: Hey, I watched a rerun of Crocodile Dundee on TBS last night, and I have a great idea! Let's throw cans of soup at any school shooter! It totally works, y'all!

Seriously? We're now "arming our students with a canned food item"? I guess it's the theory that the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good student with a Campbell's Soup can.

This is what passes for smart policy in our public schools these days. If you want to make students feel safe, how about put an armed police officer in the school? And when I say "armed" I mean with a firearm, not with a can of Chicken Noodle.

It's too bad the school principal didn't watch The Untouchables.

Another Championship for Alabama

Last night, Mallory Hagan (competing as Miss New York) defeated Ali Rogers (competing as Miss South Carolina) to win the National Championship for being pretty a/k/a Miss America. However, after further review I think the title actually should go to Alabama.

Hagan left her native Alabama for New York at 18 with less than $1,000 in her pocket. She began competing in pageants when she was 13 and tried for Miss New York in 2010 and 2011 before winning last year.

Whoa! Flag on the pageant! Miss New York is actually from Alabama! Just so you can decide for yourself, here's a picture of "Miss New York".

You're going to try to tell me that's not a southern girl?

Roll Tide.

BCS Championship - Who You Got?

Tonight, Alabama and Notre Dame play in the BCS Championship for the national title. It's Forrest Gump vs. Rudy, Cousins vs. Catholics, Pachyderms vs. Papists.

Who you got? My prediction is that the Alabama defense is going to slow down the Notre Dame offense enough to keep the game low-scoring, and turnovers will decide the game. Can Notre Dame play fundamental football, play mistake-free football, and keep pace with the vaunted SEC? We'll see...

Fearless Permanent Press Prediction:

Forrest Gump: 24

Rudy:              27

Yeah, I'm picking the upset. Also, I like the South Carolina connection Notre Dame has. If you haven't been paying attention to college football, the Notre Dame quarterback, Everett Golson, is from the Palmetto State.

Operation Iron Bowl; Deadbeat Dads Beware

The sheriff in Lee County, Alabama, (where Auburn University is located) is a genius. Faced with a backlog of deadbeat dads not paying child support, he came up with a plan to bring the criminals into one place so they can be efficiently arrested.

He sent all the parents owing child support a letter congratulating them on their automatically winning free tickets to the Iron Bowl (Auburn/Alabama football game). All the parents show up, and they're promptly put in the paddy-wagons. Simple, cost-effective, benefits kids, and deliciously funny. Permanent Press salutes Capt. Van Jackson from the Lee County Sheriff's Department! (h/t Dr. C)