I Really Don't Understand Hillary and the E-mail Thing

Is Hillary Clinton the dumbest person in the world?

Maybe one of y'all can explain this to me.

"Mrs. Clinton did not have a government email address during her four-year tenure at the State Department. Her aides took no actions to have her personal emails preserved on department servers at the time, as required by the Federal Records Act."

I don't understand this on any level. Even if you can say that this wasn't illegal, which it clearly appears to be, what's the point of having an unofficial e-mail? I'll tell you: the only reason that you would not use an official e-mail is to hide something. And guess what, campers? That shows a bad intent. In the legal world we call that mens rea. But even if you don't even address the legal issues, from a political perspective this looks like a disaster.

The other thing is that it's not even really hiding something. Even a rookie con-man knows that if you want to keep a secret, you have a false front. Why not have an official government e-mail for the official stuff that is day-to-day, and then have your super-secret, black-site e-mail address for all your nefarious work that you don't want to disclose?

How about don't e-mail at all? Don Corleone managed to run a pretty sizable group of folks and he didn't have to send out family-wide e-mails all the time. But this just having an off-the-book email is such a flagrant disregard for everything, I don't even know where to start.

It seems like Hillary is either really dumb or she doesn't think that the rules apply to her and no one will care if she's found out. I don't think she's dumb.

New Jersey Man Arrested for Possession of a Flintlock Pistol

I think this might have been used by Aaron Burr

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, Bryan, I'd like for you to come up with something extraordinarily stupid. Something the pushes the limits of human dumbness.

Here you go.

Simone reported that Gordon was arrested last November while heading home after lunch. A Cumberland County Sheriff’s Deputy pulled over Gordon for a traffic violation, but wanted to search his car. Upon discovering a flintlock pistol in the glove compartment, VanGilder said that another deputy wanted to let him go since he knew the firearm was an antique. The Sheriff disagreed. VanGilder was arrested the following morning, and faces up to ten years in prison; three and a half to five years of that sentence must be served before parole can be considered.

To make things more absurd, the prosecutor in the case told VanGilder’s lawyer­–Evan Nappen–who’s in the video; that ballistics test will be run on the firearm.

Ok, I'm not a scientist, but how exactly do you run ballistics on a smoothbore firearm? And even if you could, what's the point? Are they going to match it against all the musket balls pulled from unsolved crimes?

Good luck tracking this pistol via serial number, too.

School Principal: Let's Bring a Can of Soup to a Gunfight

Here, take one of these.

A school principal in Alabama has decided that the way to deal with an armed school shooter threat is to hit him with a can of soup?

As a result of school shootings through the United States and discussing with law enforcement on the best procedure to follow to keep our students safe, we are enhancing our procedure for intruders.

The procedure will be the same as we have done in the past with the addition of arming our students with a canned food item. We realize this may seem odd; however, it is a practice that would catch an intruder off-guard. The canned food item could stun the intruder or even knock him out until the police arrive. The canned food item will give the students a sense of empowerment to protect themselves and will make them feel secure in case an intruder enters their classroom.

I can almost picture the meeting where the principal came up with this idea. She was sitting there in the meeting, and then exclaimed: Hey, I watched a rerun of Crocodile Dundee on TBS last night, and I have a great idea! Let's throw cans of soup at any school shooter! It totally works, y'all!

Seriously? We're now "arming our students with a canned food item"? I guess it's the theory that the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good student with a Campbell's Soup can.

This is what passes for smart policy in our public schools these days. If you want to make students feel safe, how about put an armed police officer in the school? And when I say "armed" I mean with a firearm, not with a can of Chicken Noodle.

It's too bad the school principal didn't watch The Untouchables.

Why Healthy Girls Think They Are Fat

The magazine Elle says this is their "plus sized" model.

This is obviously stupid. When I see crap like this, I really don't even know what to say.

Rolling Stone Confirms That They Don't Know Jack About Guns

The magazine that is the authoritative source about firearms has a new piece out about the "The 5 Most Dangerous Guns in America".

No, it's not Guns & Ammo. It's Rolling Stone. I mean, when you think of expert analysis on firearms, you automatically (or at least semi-automatically) think of Rolling Stone. Or am I alone here?

Anyway, the firearm experts over at Rolling Stone have come up with a list of the most dangerous types of firearms. I'm sure this was published after extensive research and serious thought. You ready? They're about to drop some knowledge on you. Seriously, they're about to tell you "These firearms are causing the most harm." You ready? There is a lot of knowledge (and some music) below the jump.

Is The US Military Insulting Native Americans?

If you're easily offended (or stupid) you'll probably be upset to learn the name of this helicopter.

Seriously, you guys. Not from the Onion.

Identifying our powerful weapons and victorious campaigns with those we subjugated serves to lighten the burden of our guilt. It confuses violation with a fair fight.

It is worse than denial; it is propaganda. The message carried by the word Apache emblazoned on one of history’s great fighting machines is that the Americans overcame an opponent so powerful and true that we are proud to adopt its name. They tested our mettle, and we proved stronger, so don’t mess with us. In whatever measure it is tribute to the dead, it is in greater measure a boost to our national sense of superiority. And this message of superiority is shared not just with U.S. citizens but with those of the 14 nations whose governments buy the Apache helicopters we sell. It is shared, too, with those who hear the whir of an Apache overhead or find its guns trained on them. Noam Chomsky has clarified the moral stakes in provocative, instructive terms: “We might react differently if the Luftwaffe were to call its fighter planes ‘Jew’ and ‘Gypsy.’ ”

So let me get this straight: Even though no one is offended by the "Apache" helicopter, it's still offensive? Is this like the tree falling in the woods thing?

What's more, I always thought these names were compliments to tribes that have been traditionally recognized for their military prowess. Every time I think that I haven't seen the stupidest politically correct idea, you crazy kids out there in "I'm Offended Land" always manage to outdo yourselves.

It's going to be hard to top the weapons-grade-stupid that Mr. Simon Waxman has unleashed with this piece.

Short Suits: DO NOT Do This - Be A Man And Wear Some Damn Pants

The suit

Fellas: bring it in, and take a knee.

Do not. I repeat, do not do this. No one wants to see you do this. There is no reason to ever wear a "short suit".

Apparently, Business Insider says these are "going mainstream". It seems that J. Crew, Asos, and Barneys are pushing this horrible idea. According to J. Crew's description you're "almost guaranteed to win the battle for best-dressed at nearly every summer occasion."

Look, the only thing you're "almost guaranteed" is that you're almost guaranteed that you'll never procreate with a woman if you wear this.

Don't give me: But Bryan, it's hot outside...Suck it up. You're a man. Wear pants like a man. If you have to wear a suit in the summer someplace hot like Columbia, wear it like a man. Wear some linen, wear some seersucker, wear any lightweight fabric you like, but for goodness sake - wear some damn pants.

"America's Foremost Public Intellectual": You Can't Talk About Slavery and Ignore the NBA

"You can’t really talk about (slavery) reparations and ignore the modern day wealthy Americans who own teams made up predominantly of black men and profit from their bodies and labor."

That's a quote from "America's foremost public intellectual". Apparently, she has a show on MSNBC. Seriously.

Just so I'm clear, being in the NBA is still voluntary right? People aren't being forced to play basketball against their will, are they? And the players are still being paid, right? Last time I checked NBA players were being paid several million dollars a year, on average.

So how is that like slavery? I mean, this Harris-Perry lady is "America's foremost public intellectual", so I must be missing something, right?

I'm always happy to have an intelligent conversation about race relations, slavery's repercussions through history, and the case for reparations. But this kind of stupidity just makes everyone dumber for having listened to it.

White House Mistakenly Exposes CIA Chief in Afghanistan

When Obama said he was planning on having "the most transparent administration ever", I don't think this is what he meant.

But hey, it's just Afghanistan. I'm sure that the top CIA officer there won't be in danger. My favorite line in the piece is "It is unclear whether the disclosure will force the CIA to pull the officer out of Afghanistan." OF COURSE the station chief will have to be pulled out. He/she just made the kidnap/kill list of every bad guy in the area.

I'm sure as soon as Obama reads about this in the Washington Post he's going to be angrier than anyone else.

Washington Post Runs Stupid Opinion on Smart Guns

The Washington Post wants you to buy this. Too bad it sucks. But hey, it's got a little American flag on the slide.

The common sense people are obviously not running the show at The Washington Post.

How do I know this? The leftists who run the opinion page decided to run an opinion from the lead designer of the top Smart Gun designer touting how great his product is. It might as well be a commercial.

If you haven't heard about this new smart-gun, it has an internal computer that pairs with a special watch you wear to ensure that the gun will not fire unless in close proximity to the watch. Oh, and you enter a little code on the watch if you actually want to shoot the gun.

What's not to like, unless you're a Luddite, right?

Wrong. Let's look at a few facts that don't appear in the WaPo's column infomercial. 

1. The Armatix is chambered in .22LR. That's it. That's the only option. When I first saw that, I thought it had to be a mistake. No one in their right mind would regularly use a handgun chambered in .22LR for self-defense. It's not a viable self-defense round for about a dozen reasons, chief of which is that rimfire ammo is not as reliable as centerfire ammo. So right there, that's a bad start. You're basically taking the smallest possible caliber out there, and arming yourself with it. If you're ever attacked by an animal smaller than a Pomeranian, you'll be fine.

So why is it only chambered for .22LR? The technology used in the pistol is so fragile that chambering anything more a low-recoiling .22LR would shake the gun’s electronic brains apart in short order.

2. It has a 10% Failure Rate. But hey, let's assume that your rimfire .22 ammo never fails. And let's assume that you're such a great shot you're going to hit the bad guy's heart or brain every time. How about this Aratix wireless pairing thing? How often does that fail? Oh, nothing to be concerned about folks, per Armatix, it only fails about 10% of the time. Doing some quick math, in a 10-round magazine that's....oh yeah, once every magazine! So basically 100% of the time that you go through your magazine, you'll have a pairing failure that results in the gun not firing. Where do I sign up for this wonder weapon?

Still want one? 

3. Price. Well, this is the best part. It's expensive. The gun sells for $1,399.00. Oh, and did you want the gun to actually fire, too? Well, you'll need to by the little watch, as well. Did I mention the watch isn't included in that price and sells for $399? So we're at a grant total of $1,800, which is also the price of three Glocks. Let me repeat that. YOU COULD HAVE THREE GLOCKS AND EXTRA AMMO FOR THIS PRICE. Three Glocks. Plus ammo. Are you kidding me?

Ok, so we can rule out anyone who wants this gun for actual, legitimate self-defense, and anyone who doesn't have money to burn. But to be fair, that's not the only market of gun-buyers out there. What about folks who just like to target shoot, and don't care about self-defense or money? Would this be a good pistol for the responsible, competitive target shooter?

No. Because target shooters buy really expensive target pistols with match-grade barrels, and all other kind of bells and whistles that make the gun extremely accurate - which this little Armatix doesn't have.

So, we'e basically got a gun that has no market. There is literally no one out there in the universe of gun-buyers who would be drawn to this gun. However, we do have a political market for this gun. You know, politics, where the rules of common-sense land don't apply?

If you hear any politician advocating for this gun, ask them what their security detail uses. If it's good enough for their constituents, it should be good enough for them, right?

Charleston Woman Threatened to "Shoot Everyone" Over Stale Cinnamon Bun

What does she think this is, Pulp Fiction?

A customer at a Mount Pleasant restaurant threatened to "shoot everyone" after arguing over a stale cinnamon bun she was served, a witness said...Witnesses told police that three women were ahead of them in line when one of them began yelling at an employee that the Cinnabon cinnamon bun she was served was not fresh. The witness said the employee yelled back at the customer that there was only one left.

Don't mess with people's cinnamon buns, y'all.

Got This from Opposing Counsel Today

So, I got this interrogatory from an opposing counsel today:

22. State the name and address of all persons who have been present in the presence of [client's child] and state the dates thereof.

The child in question is three years old.

Hmmmmm.... List every person who has ever been in the presence of your child, ever? Oh, and the dates, too, if you don't mind. Ok...

So here's my question: I know the OB/GYN who delivered the child three years ago would be first on the list. That's obvious.

After that, you've definitely got all the other babies in the hospital nursery, the nurses, the family members, and so on. After that, you've maybe got all the children in daycare, all the teachers, and those children's parents. That's not too hard. After that what else?

I mean, there's kids at birthday parties, but hopefully that overlaps with the daycare friends. I'm informed and believes that on Christmas Eve, a certain St. Nick came to visit the child, but how detailed to we go here? There are people in parks, church, and good luck answering if the child has ever traveled via mass transit.

Anyone have any ideas?

Right now, my draft answer is an objection on the grounds of not being omniscient. But that's a cop-out, right?

"Russia is a regional power that is threatening some of its immediate neighbors..."

...not out of strength, but out of weakness," Obama said.

Excuse me, but Russia isn't simply a "regional power". They have a whole bunch of ICBMs. Also, if you've ever looked at a map, you might have noticed that Russia stretches across many different regions.

TSA Agent Confiscates Sock Monkey's Gun

As part of our government's ongoing efforts to keep us safe as we fly commercial airlines, the TSA has done us all the favor of disarming rogue sock monkeys of their tiny toy pistols.

Rooster Monkburn: Thwarted by valiant TSA agent

Yes, this desperado, who goes by the outlaw name "Rooster Monkburn" tried to make it through the TSA security checkpoint in St. Louis, but a sharp-eyed TSA agent acted quickly to make sure that the threat was neutralized.

“She said ‘this is a gun,’” said May. “I said no, it’s not a gun it’s a prop for my monkey.”

“She said ‘If I held it up to your neck, you wouldn’t know if it was real or not,’ and I said ‘really?’” said May.

The TSA agent told May she would have to confiscate the tiny gun and was supposed to call the police.

Luckily the ruse didn't work. The TSA agent didn't fall for the ol' Sock Monkey With a Toy Gun ploy. As we all know, that's the oldest trick in the book.

I know, being a TSA agent isn't always safe. There are late nights and dangerous terrorist agents who are ready to pounce upon an unsuspecting public. Only the watchful eye of the highly trained TSA agents stands between the unsuspecting public and evil sock monkeys bent on world domination.

Yes, for the true TSA agent, the reward is knowing that you've made the world a safer place. As true evil never rests, the TSA agent must likewise be on constant guard against Little Army Men with their plastic guns, crayon drawings of cowboys and Indians shooting it out, toy aliens with their highly dangerous toy laser blasters, and all other manner of evil toys.

Luckily, a TSA agent was astride the ramparts of liberty, protecting you. Next time you see a TSA agent, thank them for having the courage to stare down such dangerous toys every day.

Stolen Radioactive Material Found

If you hadn't heard, some radioactive material went missing in Mexico the other day. The first thing I thought was: Good thing the ol' border with Mexico is secure...

The radioactive material was something called Cobalt-60, and as far as I can tell, it seems to be some pretty scary stuff. You remember the guy who got his face melted in Radiers of the Lost Ark? It's that bad. This is the kind of material that could be used to make a "dirty" bomb. It's wouldn't have a nuclear reaction, but a conventional explosion would scatter radioactive material all over the place. Not a good scenario.

Also, by the way, here's a PROTIP from Permanent Press: Don't open things that have this marking on them. It's the international sign for "Don't touch".

The best news is that the Cobalt-60 was recovered, even though it was removed from it's casing. It seems like the thieves didn't know there was radioactive material there, and they weren't prepared to deal with it. Then they found it and took it out of the container, which was literally a weapons-grade stupid thing to do. So they're probably all going to die.

I'm sure the container had all sorts of scary looking radioactive markings all over it. Even thieves should know not to open radioactive containers, but apparently they decided to take a look. Now, they're probably dead in the desert somewhere.

Over a Thousand Absentee Ballots Were Not Counted in Richland County

Government is just another name for things that we do together massive failure.

Remember the Richland County election debacle in the general election last year? It wasn't that long ago. It was the most recent election we just previously had. You know, last time.

So how did this election go? Oh, swimmingly, except for the fact that over a thousand absentee ballots weren't counted. But that's not the best part.

The best part is that the person most responsible for the 2012 fiasco, Lillian McBride, wasn't fired back then for being incompetent. She was reassigned. Guess where she was reassigned to for this election...

Wait for it....

She was in charge of counting absentee ballots. Excuse me for a moment.

This is insane, y'all. The person who screwed the pooch last time wasn't fired. She was simply transferred to an easier job. Then she managed to immediately screw the pooch on her first assignment. You would think that a normal person who makes a catastrophic mistake would be kind of on their toes the next time they get any assignment. Not Ms. McBride. Apparently, she cannot coordinate her department to complete the task of tallying an increasing sequence of positive integers.

It's not really that hard. 1, 2, 3.... Anyone seeing a pattern emerging? The numbers increase by one each time. All she has to do is count little pieces of paper. I know 6 year old children who can do this. However, Richland County government cannot seem to perform this basic task in elections.

Is this really the best we can do? How many chances should Ms. McBride be given? Where else can we transfer her? If she cannot count pieces of paper, what assignments can she handle?

The degree of sheer incompetence here is staggering.

Kenny Miles Shot Himself Then Lied About It

I don't get this. So Kenny Miles shot himself, and then lied about it, saying that he had been robbed? Does that make sense to anyone?

I get that shooting yourself by accident is embarrassing. I've never shot myself, but if I did, I would be really embarrassed, because that means I was doing something stupid and/or unsafe. Hopefully, that never happens.

However, if I hypothetically do shoot myself, I'm not going to make a false police report and say that someone else shot me in a robbery. That's taking an embarrassing situation and turning it into a criminal act. I just don't understand the thought process here. What in the world would he have done if the police had arrested someone based on his report?

I just don't get it. On the subject of shooting yourself, it can definitely happen. It happened to this guy:

Don't be that guy. Or Kenny Miles.

What the Hell Is Wrong With People?

I have a two year old son. He's pretty much the most important thing I have going on right now. Most of my time at home centers around him. I'm not saying that I'm Dad of The Year, but I'm doing OK. However, I just don't understand how people can have children and live like animals.

The story in The State throws in the splashy stuff about the loaded guns, which is certainly an issue, but what I just don't understand is how people can live in such horrible conditions.

The deputy found a 12-gauge shotgun and .22-caliber rifle, loaded and with the safety mechanisms off within reach of the children, ages 2 and 4, in the master bedroom, the report states. The deputy found more dirty clothes, rotting food and soiled linens on the children's beds. The deputy confiscated the weapons, the report states.

Read more here: http://www.thestate.com/2013/10/22/3052587/dss-loaded-weapons-filthy-conditions.html#storylink=cpy

The loaded weapons are obviously an accident waiting to happen. If you've read my blog at all, you know I'm a gun guy, so I don't have problems with having guns in a house, but you've got to be smart about it. You can't just have loaded weapons around with kids in the house. Especially at that age. They're old enough to get into things, but not old enough to know how dangerous things are. There's no excuse. It's monumentally stupid to the point of being criminally negligent.

However, what really gets me is the rotting food in the children's bed. What the hell is wrong with these people? That's not just an accidental thing. You've got to really be neglectful to allow food to rot. And in your child's bed? Are you kidding me? Heck, animals don't even live in conditions that bad. I apologize to the animals I offended with my earlier comparison.

I see stuff like this, and I realize how far our problems go. In my last post, I was discussing what books we should be reading to be good citizens. These people need to be reading fundamentals on how to clean up after your children before we start in on The Federalist Papers.

I just don't get it. What do you do with people like this?

California Liberals Get Hit With a Clue Bat

This has to be my favorite story so far about the ACA rollout. It's priceless. If you don't want to go read the whole thing, I'll give you the highlights. However, you should go read the whole thing.

Cindy Vinson and Tom Waschura are big believers in the Affordable Care Act. They vote independent and are proud to say they helped elect and re-elect President Barack Obama.

They're just two Californians living the liberal dream. They're really excited about Obamacare being active, because they buy their health insurance on the private market. Accordingly, they were interested to see how that might affect their existing policies. It's all sunshine and puppy dogs, right?

Vinson, of San Jose, will pay $1,800 more a year for an individual policy, while Waschura, of Portola Valley, will cough up almost $10,000 more for insurance for his family of four.

Whoa! I'm pretty sure that Vinson and Waschura thought that someone else would be paying for all this great coverage. You know, the rich!

"I was laughing at Boehner -- until the mail came today," Waschura said, referring to House Speaker John Boehner, who is leading the Republican charge to defund Obamacare. "I really don't like the Republican tactics, but at least now I can understand why they are so pissed about this. When you take $10,000 out of my family's pocket each year, that's otherwise disposable income or retirement savings that will not be going into our local economy."

Hey, now! Look who's starting to talk like a Republican, talking about his family's money and the local economy. That's just crazy, winger-talk. To quote John McClane: Welcome to the party, pal.

Now, as good as that quote is, here's the best one. Seriously, hold on to your butt. Ready? Ok. Here's where he gets hit with the Clue Bat:

"Of course, I want people to have health care," Vinson said. "I just didn't realize I would be the one who was going to pay for it personally."

I love it. Love it. He wants people to have free stuff. He just doesn't want to be the one who pays for it. This probably sums up every liberal program ever thought up. I love the thought of this liberal Californian finally having the reality of math hit him in the head. When you give free stuff to one person, you don't just magic it up out of thin air - someone has to pay for it.

You can almost use this quote like a template and put anything in. "Of course, I want people to have _________," Vinson said. "I just didn't realize I would be the one who was going to pay for it personally." See? Works for whatever you want.

Welcome to the real word, y'all. I wonder if they can relate to some folks who think they are Taxed Enough Already. Maybe? It always cracks me up that liberals like these folks think that they are the smartest people ever, but can't figure out that 2 + 2 = 4. I would like to conclude this post with a direct letter to these two Californian liberals.

Dear Waschura and Vinson: 

Remember how funny it was when Pelosi said they had to pass the bill (in the middle of the night on Christmas eve with only Democrat Votes and parliamentary tricks and payoffs) so you could find out what was in it? Remember how you screamed that anyone opposed was a racist teabagger? Remember how you giggled every time you said teabagger? Remember how happy you were when it was signed by the President? Remember how many times you've said "It's the law!" Remember all that? 

I do. 

Not so funny now, is it?

Sincerely,
Permanent Press

We're Going to Degrade Assad's Spoon Inventory

A "senior official" at the White House just described the planned attack:

The strike, as envisioned, would be limited in the number of targets and done within a day or two. It could be completed in one fell swoop with missiles, said one senior official familiar with the weapons involved. A smaller, follow-on strike could be launched if targets aren’t sufficiently damaged.

A second senior official, who has seen the most recent planning, offered this metaphor to describe such a strike: If Assad is eating Cheerios, we’re going to take away his spoon and give him a fork. Will that degrade his ability to eat Cheerios? Yes. Will it deter him? Maybe. But he’ll still be able to eat Cheerios.

Seriously.

We're going to take away his spoon and give him a fork. These are the people in charge of my country right now. Sleep tight, America.

I don't know about the rest of you campers, but I can eat cereal pretty well with a fork. And isn't the idea to make it where I don't want to continue eating the cereal or don't have the capability to keep eating the cereal?

First of all, that's the dumbest metaphor for a military operation ever. Wait a second! What if that's not a metaphor? What if that's the plan! Gotcha, Assad! You're spoonless now. I bet you'll think twice about using chemical weapons now that you don't have any spoons. Looks like it's all solid breakfast food for you from now on!

Second, remember: we're just "sending a message" here, y'all. And the message is what? You're reduced to forks now, Assad! Maybe we should just drive by Assad's house and throw a lit sting of black cats in his front yard. That might have the same effect. Also, I hear egging some tanks and airplanes is a good way to send a message. Don't forget about the ol' flaming bag of poo on the doorstep. That's a classic.

So, to sum up: This is a hugely important moment for the entire world, and it requires an unbelievably small response from the United States that is merely symbolic, all so the rest of the world will respect us. Got it.

Maybe we should just send Assad a dead fish wrapped in a newspaper.

OPERATION: Total Clownshow

Also, per the piece above: "Degrade" is not a military textbook term, the four officers and officials said. In other words, it is open to interpretation. I had a little riff going on this word over at Brad's place, so I'd like to go ahead and say this now: I was right.