Short Suits: DO NOT Do This - Be A Man And Wear Some Damn Pants

The suit

Fellas: bring it in, and take a knee.

Do not. I repeat, do not do this. No one wants to see you do this. There is no reason to ever wear a "short suit".

Apparently, Business Insider says these are "going mainstream". It seems that J. Crew, Asos, and Barneys are pushing this horrible idea. According to J. Crew's description you're "almost guaranteed to win the battle for best-dressed at nearly every summer occasion."

Look, the only thing you're "almost guaranteed" is that you're almost guaranteed that you'll never procreate with a woman if you wear this.

Don't give me: But Bryan, it's hot outside...Suck it up. You're a man. Wear pants like a man. If you have to wear a suit in the summer someplace hot like Columbia, wear it like a man. Wear some linen, wear some seersucker, wear any lightweight fabric you like, but for goodness sake - wear some damn pants.

1,300 Cases of Corona Stolen

I know it's hot out there...

However, stealing 1,300 cases of Corona just isn't smart. Think about all the limes that you're going to need to steal now. Whoever did this, please return the beer to me, and I'll handle returning it to the proper authorities. Hey, sometimes a little beer falls of the back of the truck, though.

Save the Planet - Move to the South

From time to time, I have been accused of criticizing the idea of man-made (or anthropogenic) "global warming". Well sir, no more. I've read an article that has made me realize how much some of our brothers and sisters living in the Northeast are killing the planet for their lavish lifestyle. I'm fully on the global warming train, and I'm here to address a large factor in energy consumption in the United States.

As you may be aware, the more energy you use, the more the planet dies a little. As you can see from this chart below, one of the main sources of household energy consumption is space heating. (It's the sky-blue part of the bar at the bottom of each column.) Note how the energy used for heating in the Northeast is significantly higher than everything else. By comparison, heating is far and away more of an energy waster than air-conditioning in the South and the West.

So, if you live in the Northeast, you're really being a wasteful energy consumer. You're living in a cold place that you have to use a great deal of energy to heat, just so you can continue to live there without your little toesies getting frostbitten. I, as the new global warming sheriff am here to tell all y'all up North: It's time to move down to the South.

So if you want to help save the planet, move out of Vermont and get yourself to Alabama where people know how to live in harmony with Mother Gaia. Moving out of New England could be the purest form of environmental activism; your selfish, earth destroying choice of living in Massachusetts in killing us all. And as for Canada, Gaia’s message is clear: shut it down, now.

I guess that if you don't want to move, being a selfish person who cares only about living in Connecticut, we could come up with a cold-climate heat-waster surtax. As a citizen of the earth, I'm sure that you Yankees would be happy to pay it.

You do care about the earth, don't you?
[H/T Insty]

Stop Whining about the Heat and Start Grilling: BBQ Ribs

Ok, so it's hot outside these days. Quit complaining about it, man up, and start grilling. You'll feel much better drinking a cold brewski and grilling some ribs no matter how hot it is. Oh, and the woman in your life will be impressed with your mastery of the grill.

Everything is better with BBQ. This 4th of July, I cooked two racks of ribs the right way - low and slow - with some nice mesquite wood chips to give it a little bit of a southwestern smoke. It went well with the ancho chili rub and sauce. Here is what it looked like early on:

You can see the smoke coming up from the wood chips already starting to make the smoke. This picture is about 45 minutes into the hours of cooking that went on during the day. You know the saying "You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning."? I think that was coined by a BBQ man. If you want BBQ for dinner, you need to start the grill around breakfast. The final product looks somewhat different, with the rib meat shrinking up to expose the bones just a little, and the sauce is mopped on at the end. If you put the sauce on too early, you'll burn the sugars up that are in the sauce and it's not going to be good.

So when everyone's whining about the heat these days, grab some beer, fire up the grill, and make some BBQ so good that you'll forget about the mind-melting heat.

Friday Happy Hour

PP is dreaming of lying in a hammock, drinking a Mambo Taxi from Mi Cocina in Dallas, Texas. A drink accessible through a bendy straw is essential; you wouldn't want to accidentally do a sit up in this Torrid Triple Digit Heat.