“I didn’t shoplift nothin’. I told the cops they could find all that country pop bull%$#! in the Rubbermaid garbage cans [of the same Wal-Mart] in home wares… where that crap belongs,” said Spears. “I was just trying to give the people around here some damn culture, so I brought my whole collection up here to give away for free. Of course, I’ve got it all ripped on my laptop. My alphabetizing skills might be lacking, but I ain’t stupid.”
“Can you believe they didn’t have a Jerry Reed CD in the whole god$#@! store?” he continued. “Well, for 15 shining minutes last Friday night, they did.”
After the store realized that he had actually purchased the CDs and was replacing Taylor Swift with Tanya Tucker [and more classic country artists], the shoplifting charges against Spears were dropped, but he still faces misdemeanor charges of mischief and merchandise tampering. Permanent Press salutes Mr. Spears for trying to bring some light to our dimly lit musical landscape. I also hope he replaced all the Jason Aldean CDs with George Strait.
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